Welcome to Aja's online blog - an ongoing
expression of what is arising in Aja's consciousness... random writings, musings, and more on the
nature of consciousness, awakening, reality, non-reality, stupidity....
Each entry is chronologically dated with the
most recent first and older stuff later. Feel free to start wherever you want. If you have questions or comments, you can
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Sunday July 31, 2005
All I See is Me
Whatever you experience...all that you experience...all that you have ever
experienced is YOU. Perhaps it may not feel like you in the way that you are
used to (primarily full of doubts and confusions, big dreams, expectations,
arrogance, and so forth) but it is You nonetheless.
If you are used to the ideas of Non-duality at all, the primary recognition is
that what you are is Consciousness or Awareness. There is no localized
individuality that is real. The thoughts swimming around, the body, etc. give
an idea of a localized individuality, but when you inquire into who is
perceiving those things, and the answer "I am" comes up, you find that "I" has
no localized, stagnant, limited place of existence. It is what is
happening...boundless Awareness is what is happening, and That Boundless
Awareness is all there is. In that Boundless Awareness, infinite things are
occurring (arising, happening, existing, etc.) Among them is an idea of you,
an idea of body, an idea of universe, all appearing as experiences within the
Boundless Awareness, including the experience of a localized individual who is
experiencing them. The subject/object experience is one of the 'things' which
is occurring in this Boundless Awareness that you are. So, YOU, that IS the
Boundless Awareness, are arising (occurring, happening, etc) as this multitude
of things, including the 'you' experiencing 'something else.'
The hard part in all of this is letting go of the habitual conditioning of
seeing it as a subject/object relationship. If, for even a moment, you get a
glimpse of the recognition, that egoic sense of limited individuality pops up
and goes, "Cool, I want to experience this," and Poof, that recognition
suddenly disappears again to become a memory to try and be retrieved. (By the
way, never try to retrieve a history or memory of a recognition because it
will always remain just that - a memory - not a living recognition in the
So, you have to look in this present moment - what is actually happening? Is
there a localized individuality (subject) experiencing other things (objects),
or is there simply an unbounded Awareness within which the feeling of
individual and something else is arising. Dig deep into this. Question the
nature of this sense of localized individuality to see how concrete it really
is. Ultimately you'll find that You are what is happening...You are all that
has ever happened...You are that Boundless Awareness.
Friday July 29, 2005
(First - my apologies for the long delay -
sickness struck - I'm better now.)
Ticket Agent: "Can I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, I'd like to buy a ticket."
Ticket Agent: "Great. Where do you want to go?"
Customer: "I don't know. Somewhere nice that's not here."
Ticket Agent: "Well, I can't help you if you don't know where you want to go."
Customer: "Fine, then, how about a ticket to Earth."
Ticket Agent: "Sir, you're already here!"
This is, unfortunately, the way most people are in the West when it comes to
understanding spirituality - "Just give me a ticket." I haven't a friggin clue
where I'm going, but I know THIS ain't it." So, when they say they want
enlightenment and you ask them what enlightenment is, the description could be
anything; and it's usually more along the lines of something mystical, or
magical, or saintly, or about mastery or about anything except what real
Enlightenment is about the realization of Truth and knowing what and who you are
(and are not). It is not about being a saint, or reading minds, or walking on
water, or seeing the ends of the universe. It is actually far more profound and
far more simple. It is seeing and being Truth with no blinders and is far more
rare and valuable than mystical powers. Where part of the problem lies is that,
depending on where you're starting from, the pathless path (or trackless track,
or flightless flight) to your destination may have you going through numerous
other stations and stops. So, some enlightened beings have powers and some
don't. They don't care. Those just happened to be the stops along the way. But
somebody else looks at that person, sees the ability to transmute water into
wine, or read minds, or juggle four ostriches while singing the national
anthem, and thinks, 'This must be the guy,' even though that guy may have
no clue as to who he himself really is, or what the truth is. They're content
with their juggling act.
Another thing about the destination is that it might look like some other
destination or have similar qualities, but that doesn't make it where you want
to go. It's sunny, so it must be California. It might actually be the Sahara
desert. Certain symptoms are just that - symptoms. People often confuse the
symptoms of something with that something itself, or as the means to get there.
Love is a great example. If I pretend to be loving, I'll become Enlightened.
Thus, you get a lot of people trying to be Love realized (a noble quality,
certainly) but not interested in Truth, or in who is being love.
lot of people (probably the majority) aren't interested in Truth, they just want
to "Get the hell out of Dodge." They don't care about where they're going, as
long as it's not here. The funniest part of it is that, should they ever
recognize Enlightenment, they'll find out that it is exactly right
here. In fact, you can't get there without ultimately accepting and surrendering
to exactly what is here, right now! (That's part of the whole pathless path
more recent problem is that since we are now all 'Equal,' your understanding
can't be any better than my understanding, so no one can tell me what it is and
how to get there, because I know it just as well as you. (Ask one of these
people to go to a shoe salesman when they need their next brain surgery.) Of
course, they won't say it exactly like that, but that's the gist of it. There's
this pseudo-understanding that there is no higher or lower, good or bad, and
that everything is equal, so I can choose any path I want, any destination I
want, and my understanding and wisdom is just as great as yours. (I hope you
enjoy playing volleyball in the Sahara.) This is the height of today's arrogance
(or stupidity). And the saddest part of it is, that while this equality thing is
well intentioned, it is: 1. Wrong, and 2. Virtually guarantees that you will
never, ever, ever see the Truth. Although it is now an outdated quality, a
modicum of humility is an absolute pre-requisite to seeing (or more importantly
hearing) the Truth. If you already know the Truth (or rather think you do) there
is no way you're going to be willing to let go of those things and hear or
recognize what is True.
the bottom line is, figure out what you want, what you truly want, where you
want to go, and move toward that. Find out what you believe, and see if that is
true. Research what is what, and particularly, research your own understanding
or lack of it. And most importantly, be willing to do the work.
Tuesday July 19, 2005
How to Understand Spiritual
Like just about everything that deals with the spiritual, spiritual literature
and the words of spiritual teachers must be approached or understood in an
entirely different way than regular literature and regular words. When you
read regular (or mundane) literature, you are reading with the mind. Your
intention is to gather information - to increase the accumulation of 'useful'
knowledge, or possibly for the enjoyment factor. Spiritual literature,
however, is an entirely different animal. My teacher used to call his writings
his 'spiritual ecstasies,' and I now fully understand what this means.
Franklin Merrell-Wolff spoke of the 'golden nuggets' which would come from the
'mines' each day, and which, due to other mundane affairs, he was often unable
to get down in writing fast enough. The words of the teacher, whether in
person or in writing, are infused with transcendental energy. They come from
the Realization of the speaker and therefore from the Absolute. They speak
much more to the heart than to the mind. They are not meant primarily for
information gathering or to increase the wealth of intellectual knowledge, but
rather to effect the consciousness. In fact, sometimes the words may make no
mental sense at all, but the power is there.
Words carry the energy of the speaker (or the writer). So it is important more
to 'feel' the words, feel the energy, and contemplate the feeling which they
impart. Spiritual instructions are to be taken, also, from a sense of how do
they feel, or how can I implement these into my Being. In the Vedantic
tradition, there are three words that describe this process - shravanam,
mananam, and nididhyasanam. Shravanam means simply to hear. Mananam means to
think about, but more accurately to reflect upon, meditate on or deliberate
deeply. And finally, nididhyasanam means profound and repeated meditation,
essentially at the level of making it a personal insight or Realization. This
is the way transcendental literature is to be understood. If it remains at the
level of the mind, it simply and literally adds more garbage and beliefs to
the mind and gums up the works and obscure actual Recognition.
This is why a single word or phrase from a teacher or spiritual work, if
deeply pondered upon, and acted upon, can do far more good than volumes of
literature or hours of 'spiritual sessions.' A single finger pointing in the
right direction is more valuable (and more direct) than piles and piles of
maps and guidebooks. Our natural tendency is to not trust our inherent wisdom.
We seem to need to hear the same thing over and over and over, rather than
taking it within ourselves and acting upon it; feeling the Truth of it, as it
resonates with That which we already are and already Know. For instance,
when I began doing Self inquiry, I didn't know any Papaji's or Nisargadatta's.
I had never even heard of Ramana Maharshi. I was only given the instruction to
inquire, "Who am I?" And this I did continuously. That's all. Nisargadatta
says the same thing. He simply followed his gurus instruction to stay in the
"I Am" and did this for three years (I believe it was) until he gained
Realization. It doesn't take a lot. It takes a deeper understanding and
commitment to those words, rather than a mountain of words that are not
understood or acted upon.
So don't make the mistake of becoming a spiritual 'junkie.' Commit yourself
fully, not to gathering information, but to meditating upon and acting upon
that wisdom which you have received. If you haven't received any yet, than try
this...Ask yourself 'Who am I?' and don't stop until you hit 'bottom.' Good
Thursday July 14, 2005
Why Slash & Burn - The
Process of Waking Up
This could also be entitled - Why am I such an asshole?
The process of waking up or recognition essentially consists of two phases
which I call De-ID and Re-ID, that is:
1. De-Identification: De-identification is about finding out what
you're not. In Sanskrit, it is what is termed 'Neti Neti' or 'not this, not
that.' I am not the body, not the mind, not the emotions. I am not a
particular class of person. I am not the elements of the body, and so forth.
However, our identification with this is VERY strong, even more so in today's
culture. Our entire society, our media, our advertising, TV, culture,
everything screams out every moment of every day - "You are your body! You are
your prestige! You are your possessions! You are your job! You are your
country! You are your religion!" Society either intentionally or
unintentionally seems to be trying (and succeeding) to systematically stupefy,
dumb-down, and keep asleep all of humanity. They keep them at an adolescent
stage, not encouraging intelligence and philosophical thought, but in fact
fighting against it. Above such a roar of lies and propaganda, it is necessary
to scream at the top of your lungs and act as a madman in order to be heard.
Without this process of dis-identification, it is impossible to recognize
Truth. Imagine that you have some vague idea that the world isn't flat, but
might be round. However, all the evidence that you are given, everything that
everybody tells you, is that the world is flat. There's no particular reason
to believe that it's round. It doesn't look round. It looks flat. But your
heart tells you that it's round. Unless and until you can let go of the
conceptions that it's flat; until there is virtually no doubts left, you are
NOT going to get in that boat and sail willingly toward the edge. You will
remain relatively content with flatness, but never totally happy, because your
heart will always tell you, "I'm sure it's round."
Our own flat world is society, media, our family, our friends, and our own
minds telling us that this is the real world. There's nothing else. Make more
money. Be successful by getting and being bigger, better and more. We can't
even see the patterns within ourselves, they are so deeply ingrained. (This is
the position of the teacher, the wolf crying in the wilderness, who points out
these patterns and illusions, sometimes painfully.) It becomes necessary to
gradually see these patterns, these illusions, these habits, and to recognize
that they are not the truth...only habits.
2. Re-Identification: Simultaneous with the De-identification is a
'sort of' Re-identification. I say 'sort of' because it's not like you're
taking on a new belief in exchange for the old ones, but rather recognizing
what is really there when you get rid of the old belief habits and patterns.
It is the recognition of that non-dual awareness, that pure infinite
consciousness which has always been present. So, in the beginning, it may seem
something like a belief, or an affirmation. But it's not. An affirmation is
often the claiming of something which is not, or for something which is simply
hoped for ("I have a billion dollars. I have a billions dollars.") This is
more akin to "I am a human. I am a human." It's something that is already
true, just not recognized. So, the great evocations, such as 'aham brahmasmi'
(I am the Absolute), and 'tat tvam asi' (You are That), or virtually the
entirety of such books as 'Ashtavakra Gita' and others are the pure expression
of what you truly are - Pure, infinite consciousness within which this entire
Self-Inquiry, the investigation into 'Who am I?' 'What am I?' 'What is Real?'
and so forth, simultaneously fulfills both these features. While inquiring
into who you are, you practically see what you are not. You also begin to
taste that which is left over. You keep seeing the unreal and slashing and
burning it out of the way. With each habit or old pattern you are able to see
through, you begin to recognize more and more what is actually left - glimpses
at first, but gradually tearing through that veil of illusion to the Truth!
Now, often what happens as one awakens is something of a third phase. This is
what Franklin Merrell-Wolff calls:
3. Real Altruism: In Awakening, there is a total recognition that
everything is perfect the way it is. There is nothing wrong, and in fact,
everyone is doing exactly what they should be doing and are fine exactly where
they are. However, a certain sort of sense of compassion arises. A sense that
even though everyone and everything is perfect as it is, there is a
certain incompleteness - the Universe wants to wake up; this sense of
wakefulness needs to expand. It is much like raising a child. You recognize
that every point of development in a child is perfect. You can accept their
mistakes and childishness and where they are at, and yet you work toward and
look forward to that time when they are healthy, fully-functioning adults
which contribute to your own wholeness or the wholeness of the All. The desire
of a true awakened teacher to teach has nothing to do with ego, but rather a
compulsion to fulfill the evolutionary agenda of the Absolute. It's like
stepping into a rushing river. It's not my desire to get to the ocean. You
simply surrender to the current and that's where it takes you. For those who
actually teach Truth, they'll tell you there's no great glory there. From a
personal level, it's often a pain in the ass. And yet, you can't help it. You
are now Enlightenment - and Enlightenment must express itself through that
teacher guy there. Sometimes, the teacher is sweet and flowing and loving and
apparently compassion. Sometimes, (ahem) they're just plain butt-heads. As God
says (and Popeye too), "I am What I am."
Tuesday July 12, 2005
How Many Minutes?
Let's simplify this. Often, we may be very proud of ourselves and say, "Well,
I spend quite a lot of time daily meditating (inquiring, reading, etc.)" But
the real question should be how many minutes a day (or even how many seconds a
day) am I NOT thinking about, meditating on, inquiring into the
Absolute? How many minutes or seconds a day are totally wasted and lost for
eternity as I contemplate some enjoyment, or worry, or success or failure or
"If the time spent thinking about objects NOT the Self was spent inquiring
INTO the Self, Self Realization would be achieved in a very short time." -
Being obsessive for Truth is not a sickness. It is perhaps the first and only
sign of wellness.
Monday July 11, 2005
just watched the movie, 'The Corporation,' which goes into great detail about
the history, nature, problems caused by, and so forth, corporations. Much of
the movie dealt with how we are manipulated through corporations and their
power to affect media, government, and everything else. When you examine how
much of life (and the world) is dictated by and controlled by corporations,
it's overwhelming. My friend who was watching it with me, couldn't even
finish. She became far too depressed. The sense that you get is that they are
all powerful and that there's nothing you can do. The world is going to hell
in a hand-basket, and mighty, friggin fast!
Now, let's translate that into something much closer...the mind. Your mind has
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT'S TRUE! It does NOT have your best interest at heart.
It will NOT guide you toward Truth. And yet, everyday, virtually every minute,
you greedily suck up those thoughts that come pouring into your head and
identify them as being the Truth. Why? Because, like those who readily accept
whatever is on TV and have identified the people on TV as the 'knowers,' you
have identified with your mind as YOU. The thoughts are coming into YOUR head,
and therefore they must be True, they must be correct, they must be RIGHT.
WRONG!!!!! They are just thoughts. They are not necessarily true or not true.
Each one is just as likely to be absolutely incorrect as it is to be correct.
This is why discrimination is SO important. You need to be able to dis-identify
from those thoughts and assess them - is this real or not? Is this thought
true or not? What do I know for sure??? Who or what am I really if not these
thoughts? You have probably been believing a whole heap of crap for years and
consciously, unconsciously or subconsciously just assumed it was true. This is
why you have to start digging up everything you hold as dear, all those
beliefs, assumptions, habits, general assessments, expectations, concepts -
all of them, and look very closely at them. They keep feeding through your
head as thoughts which you assume are true. Dig them up and assess them. Is
this one true? Do I know it to be true? Is it Real? If not, throw it the hell
out! In fact, you should probably just throw it out anyway, because what is
really True can never be destroyed. Slash and Burn everything, and what is
true will remain.
But most people, even those who claim they are seeking Enlightenment, won't do
this. Why? Because they want to hold onto those things that are comfortable.
They want to get rid of hate but hold onto love. They want to destroy darkness
while holding onto light. They want to destroy Republicans but hold onto
Democrats. That last one sounds ludicrous doesn't it? And yet, they are all
the same. They are all just dualities created by the mind. See, you can't
trust the mind. Inquire, Inquire, Inquire. Find out what is Real. Abandon your
reliance and trust on the Mental Media.
Monday July 11, 2005
Do You Have What It Takes?
Okay...You're reading this page, and the assumption is that if you're reading
this page, and you're not a relative or someone else that's required through
association to read this page, that you're theoretically interested in waking
up. So, the question is...Do you have what it takes?
deride beliefs endlessly, since beliefs are what generally obscure truth.
However, there is a distinction between beliefs and genuine pointers, and I
have found that many of the classic Advaitic (non-dual) texts of
Shankaracharya and others, are bona fide pointers toward Truth. Often
they delineate what are the pre-requisites for liberation.
First, a clarification: What is it that you want? And in this, you must be
very clear. Do you want to be special in some way? If so, go away. Do you want
power? If so, go away. Do you want love and light and happiness, and for
everything to be sweet and dandy? If so, go far, far away. Do you want
Enlightenment? If so, first you have to define it. Generally it has way to
many ideas and beliefs attached to it. The two words I like best are
Truth and Freedom. And as I've mentioned before, the two words generally used
in the ancient texts are 'moksha' and 'mukti,' both of which essentially mean
to be Free, and that particularly means free from everything that is NOT true,
and thus to come to Truth!
So what are the pre-requisites? In Vivekachudamani (The Crest Jewel of
Discrimination), Shankaracharya describes them as follows:
1. Viveka (Discrimination) - the ability to discriminate what is real from the
2. Vairagyam (Dispassion) - to be dispassionate toward all enjoyments or the
fruits of action. That doesn't mean aversion, it means dispassion. You already
don't care what happens. You're not seeking the fruits. You don't care about
any kind of enjoyment whatsoever.
3. The six qualities: a. Shama (calmness), b. Dama (control of the
senses), c. Uparati (Self withdrawal of the mind), d. Titiksha (Complete
forbearance or tolerance of all afflictions), e. Shraddha (Logical faith [not
blind faith] in the instructions of the Awakened Teacher and non-dual
scriptures), and f. Samadhana (Self-settledness or constant concentration of
the intellect (buddhi) on the Absolute,
4. Mumuksha (Yearning for Freedom) - Again, that strong, burning desire
to be free from falsity, illusion, bondage, etc. Not seeking power or
grooviness, or anything else, but true freedom through Truth.
Now, remember, these are the pre-requisites, not what you get once you get
there. Many of these qualities we associate with saints who have already
achieved a great spiritual treasure, not with qualities you need to even be on
the journey. However, he does point out that amongst these,
numbers 2 and 4 are the most important that they already be there and that
those two can be helped by the other qualities. But by far, the most important
is number 4, that keen desire for liberation. So, again, the question is what
do you want. Is this desire for liberation an all encompassing, burning desire
that "I WILL know Truth or Die," or is it more of a hobby until something else
comes along...money, fame, mystical experiences, a mate?
Saturday July 9, 2005
How Special Are You?
Everyone likes to think of themselves as special. Most people do think of
themselves as special, and when it comes to alternative areas - new age,
spirituality, yoga, healing, etc. everyone is CONVINCED that they are truly
Examples (To be said in a prideful sing-song voices) - I'm a healer. I'm a
spiritual seeker. I'm a healer. I'm a yoga teacher. I'm a reincarnated
merkabian tulku dedicated to the fifth dimensional jump of enlightened
humanity to the post-enlightened avataric spatial spheres. I'm a tree-hugger.
I ride my bicycle. I'm a democrat. I'm an enlightened master. (Oops, that's
Anyway, let's put this into perspective. Take with me a little journey, if you
will, possibly into reality, and possibly into the Twilight Zone...(i.e.
this may be Reality or not. You decide):
In the beginning, there is That - infinite, absolute being...primordial
IS-ness. In Sanskrit we might call it Sat-Chit-Ananda (Being, Consciousness,
Bliss) or Brahman (the Infinite Absolute [God]), this latter word, important
here, is derived from the Sanskrit root Brh, which means to expand. So the
Absolute, although already infinite, is also expanding. A quality of being
infinite and everything would include everything, including expansion. So for
purposes of this journey, we will say that God is expanding infinitely, and
has been doing so endlessly. Why? If you were all encompassing presence (Sat),
and were conscious (Chit), it would be necessary to be conscious of something
to bring you bliss (Ananda). In order to do this, you would need to expand
endlessly. As you expanded, you would begin to form, so to speak, excretions
of yourself, within which would also necessarily arise the same principles of
sat-chit-ananda. Each of these excretions would, on some level, recognize
themselves as that infinite Absolute, even though they primarily identified
themselves as being excreta or excrement. (By now you should begin to
recognize where I'm going with this.)
Now, let's get into the mind-boggling part. By definition here, that infinite
would have to expand into not just one so-called reality, but infinite
realities, or what scientists might call alternate realities or dimensions.
Now within each dimensional reality, you have billions and billions and
trillions of expansions of the infinite (humans, bugs, cows, monkeys, fish,
and other creatures) each of whom (we'll assume) is seeing through an
apparently localized perspective. In other words, "my" experience of the
universe and "me" is completely different from "your" experience of the
universe and "you". So even within this one planet, the Absolute has
successfully created gazillions of different universes solely through
perspective. Multiply that through the infinite number of
universes/dimensions/realities that God is seeing through, and imagine (or try
to) that mind-bogglingly infinite number of views of Him/Her/Itself that God
has. Now how special are you? Or, another way of looking at it is...You are
just the excretion of that Absolute as it expands infinitely to enjoy itself.
You, and particularly your localized egoic idea of yourself, are a by-product
of that expansion. You (and I) no matter how groovy, awake, special, etc. we
might consider ourselves, are infinitesimally small drops of God poop! Yes,
you are God crap; the shit of the Absolute. So, yes you are very special in
that you are an expansion/expression of God. But, really....shit's just shit.
Thursday July 7, 2005
Who's Aware of the Question?
Received the following question by email:
"Until awakening happens apart from the desire and/or effort(?) to awaken, is
there any part of the dream that is changeable or can be changed by the
volition of the dreamer ? or is the dream pre destined? While reflecting on
this as I type it, I should say I operate more now in this life/dream without
planning too much and as circumstances can appear to be very insecure it is
probably fear of the unknown (in the dream !) - Pete"
Well, here's the predicament as I see it. First, Who is the dreamer? The
question assumes that we are the dreamers of this dream, perhaps giving more
control and credibility to the 'individual' than is actually real!. So, are we
'dreamers' or are we in fact part of the dream? Part of the illusion is in the
very fact that we imagine ourselves (as the individual) to be the source, the
dreamer, the controller.
The second difficulty is that the whole issue of 'choice' depends on who you
ask. If you ask Ramana, he would say (and did say) that every single aspect of
life is pre-destined - not just the big things, but every little thing. Yoga
Vasistha would tell you that present action (of the individual) overcomes past
karma (or action). Others would tell you it's all up to you.
Thirdly, and most importantly, going back to Ramana, he would say, "Who's
aware of the question?" In other words, inquire to whom the question is
arising in the first place. This directs you away from the mind/ego (which is
in fact what or who is asking the question) back to That Self which is the
Seer and aware of the question being asked. When you direct the mind back to
the Self, and abide in that space, then, as you have noticed, you tend to
operate your life without as much tendency to plan. You recognize that you (as
individual) are part of the dream. The body/mind/ego is all a part of the
dream or creation or phenomena, and YOU as the every-present awareness are
aware of it. Further, that YOU is always the totality of the present moment.
In that totality of this present moment, the questions don't even arise,
because we see the moment as the perfection that it is - that there is nothing
needed in the moment; there's nothing that needs to be known in this moment,
and the questions generally arise from being out of the moment (having slipped
into the idea of past or future....what if's).
Fourthly, the question brings up the suggestion of choicelessness versus
effort. While Ramana said that everything was pre-destined, he also said that
if one can't simply abide in Awareness, then one should make an effort by
inquiring. So, how, if there is no choice, can one make a choice to make
effort? This is the mystery or paradox of the Absolute. The answer is given -
While the reality seems to be that there is no choice, one must act AS IF
there were choice. Let me give you an example to explain why. True
story: Years ago a friend told me that he had been in contact with some type
of "extra-dimensional beings" whom he had asked if he would become enlightened
in this life. They said, "We know, but we can't tell you." To his
inquiry of why they couldn't tell him, they responded, "Well, if we tell you
that you WILL become enlightened, you won't make any effort. You'll just wait
for it to happen. And if we tell you that you WON'T become enlightened, you
also wouldn't make any effort, since there wouldn't be any point. Therefore we
can't tell you the answer." Now, whether these people really had access
to this knowledge or were just full of shit, I don't know, however, there
answer to him very nicely describes the paradox - If you know the answer,
there's no mystery and therefore no reason for action. It is that very
'Unknown' that we both fear and drives us. So act as if there is choice; do
what arises to do; but ALWAYS inquire who is aware of the totality of the
moment in which these things and choices are apparently taking place.
Friday July 1, 2005
First Grow Up - Then Wake Up
Most spiritual seekers really have no interest in waking up. They're not
really looking for spiritual teachers or teachings as much as they're seeking
a baby-sitter, somebody to spoon feed them pabulum while they continue to
enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. And the pabulum that most 'spiritual teachers' give is
pretty much the same as a baby-sitter would give you - "Everything's
okay...you're okay...Just be happy...Don't take your neighbor's toys or
candy...Love everybody" and so on. Or they deal in beliefs - "If you're good
you go to heaven (get liberated, find peace", etc.) They don't talk about the
fact that all those enjoyments or beliefs are an illusion, because most of the
teachers themselves are deluded, and don't have a clue. But the teachers are
willing to spoon feed this pabulum because it gives them students, a means of
subsistence, honor, fame, or whatever.
Some of this problem stems from the "There's nothing to do" school of thought.
That is, since there is no choice, you just sit on your ass, do what you've
always done, focus on the same thoughts you've always focused on, and
'POOF' as if by magic, one day you become enlightened. Now, I don't know about
you, but as for me, the few people I've ever met or heard of who were truly
enlightened (or even just spiritually advanced), spent months or years, if not
decades, working seriously to wake up - even many of those who spout the
"Nothing to do" school. I know, I know...people will point out Ramana Maharshi
who seemed to spontaneously wake up at the age of 17. That may or may not be
the case. However, what did he do after that? He went to Arunachala and sat in
meditation 24 hours a day for the next many years! (By the way, sitting at the
feet of a truly awakened master is NOT doing nothing. That IS doing
something.) Even if you were to wake up strictly due to the grace of God or
some teacher, are you going to count on that? Or would it be better to prepare
yourself by serious, I mean SERIOUS work toward awakening? It goes back to the
question, "What do you really want?" Take your time....don't rush it. I'm in
no hurry. Got an answer yet? Okay, if your answer was something other than
'Truth,' 'Enlightenment,' 'Awakening,' or similar answer, then you're probably
not really that serious about waking up. And that's okay. Just don't fool
yourself with the idea that you are. Decide what your goal is and pursue it,
happily and with vigor. But if your answer was to wake up, then look at your
life seriously. Don't be a wienie.
wienie or those firm believers in what we fondly call "Wienie-ism" think
that you can have whatever they want without doing anything for it. They hold
that they are inherently right, no matter what the subject. They feel that
everything should be given to them on a silver platter. They believe that "I'm
okay and you're okay" and whatever anyone wants to do or whatever path they
take to "spiritual" life is fine and perfect. They believe you shouldn't judge
any body's spiritual path, because every one is just on a different road to
the same place, that we're all equal and no one is any higher or wiser than
anybody else (or at least higher or wiser than they are). Now, while it's true
that some of these ideas are valid, particularly once you're already
enlightened, in the non-enlightened state they are merely excuses for the ego
to validate itself. For instance, (and unfortunately I can't remember who said
it, but the quote basically says that) while people always shout about being
equal, people only want to be equal to those superior to them. No one seems to
be interested in becoming equal to those in a 'less fortunate' position.
The bottom line here is that if you want to wake up, you have to grow up. If
you're serious about realizing Truth, then work for it. Give everything to it.
Be willing to die for it. If you're not willing to die for it, and yet you
think you're serious about waking up, then, excuse me but, you're full of
crap! Ninety-nine percent (at least) of the people you see every day are
spiritual wienies, and that may include the one you regularly see in the
mirror, at least when it comes to spiritual reality. My teacher used to say
that a spiritual life and a material life don't go well together. He didn't
say it was impossible, but, for most people, damn unlikely. And don't look for
spiritual life if you think it will fulfill some ego need. That's another
whole topic, but this is where most people are coming from. They're trying to
meet some adolescent need. Ask yourself why you want enlightenment or why you
want truth. If it's for some ego reason, then grow up, or seek a therapist or
counselor - not real spiritual wisdom. Seeking enlightenment is generally not
fun. It's about dealing with shit, a lot of shit, every single day; being
willing to thoroughly and honestly eviscerate yourself, dismantle yourself,
and call yourself on the shit you try to pull and think you can get away with
(and still be spiritual).
Or as some others might say, if you can't 'walk your talk' then maybe you
should be crawling.
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